Did that really just happen?

there are many time that i can look back on a shake my head at the stupid things I have said or done, but I gotta say, this one takes the cake. I was sitting in a car with my friends dad and her little sister and her sisters friend. We were chatting and joking around and having a good time, Then I ended up saying "I think i met your mom a few weeks ago" My friends dad quickly said "No I think that was Kathy" being my oblivious self didn't think much of it and just got out of the car and said "Thanks for the ride, have a great game girls".  I got to school today and was spending my classes stressing about an assignment due tomorrow the involves a lot of work to be done.Walking down the hallway heading to my third period class I saw my friend who's dad drove me home. She pulled me over and told me that the poor girl that was in the car with her little sister whom I told that I had met her mother, had actually lost her mother just last year. I feel horrible and don't know what to say. Even though I know it wasn't in malicious intent and I would have had no way of knowing unless someone told me I still can't imagine what it would be like having someone remind of of the fact that you lost your mother. I feel awful for being the reason she may have gone home and cried or even just make her sad. I wish I could go say I'm sorry and let her know that I didn't know and feel awful but I don't even know her which makes it all the more awful. I guess I didn't think anything of it because she didn't seem to mind that I had said anything. So there's just one more point for me on the board of idiot things I've done. Congratulations to me.

not fun

I was supposed to go to a youth event today.... well there was only 3 other people, we were going to the movies. Two of them were dating, and the other guy there, is someone I can only take small doses of. It was awkward, I didn't want to be there. Every once in a while I get into a situation where I just wanna crawl up in my bed and stay there for a week, and that was definitely one of them.  I just expected a nice day with lots of my friends but when your literally forced into a situation that feels like the most awkward double date ever. So being who I am, When I'm in situations like that, I tend to be kind of rude to the guy. I never want someone to get the wrong idea and I don't like wasting my time....  idk maybe that's wrong but I....don't know.

Maybe Mary Jane?

Hey.... So it's been a while,Not much has happened, except it seems that more and more i feel as though i'm missing out.  I feel like there are things that I need to get out of my system, such as weed, drinking, etc.  And it's not that I haven't done those things. But I feel like people are having this fun infront of me, and even though I love my life, I just don't want to leave high school thinking ok, I played it safe. It's such a confusing thing for me, i'm sure it is for alot of people... I guess i just feel like I only have so much time to be a kid, to do crazy things, to laugh till it hurts well i'm with friends.  But i constantly feel like me and my friends are so far apart no matter how close we get, cause they know i play it extremely safe. And their not like that... other then that, I feel like I'm finally reaching the independence age, I finally started making my room into my space, I'm getting my wheels soon! and I just feel like I'm getting older, In some ways no, But hey I'm in highschool what am I supposed to be like. It's Senior Year....new year...

No title for me being rediculous

It has been said to me "Be exactly who you want to be, and be who you are at the same time" Those two very rarely go hand in hand. Who I want to be is a minute by minute thing. There are definitely a few basics such as your life long choice to be kind, caring, respectful, etc. But I mean even those can change. There are so many images that go around like, the really beautiful hipster girl with beautiful beach waves and an old style camera at hand 24/7. Or the bad ass brunette who wears the leather jacket, the black leggings and the knee high black boots, who looks like shes had a black belt since birth. And in between there are so many looks in between. But there's a name for every look. So clearly there's no chance of being fully yourself, because having a certain look is like having a certain species, and yet you can still change it... But still to some other look that's unoriginal. I don't know, how do you be yourself, how do you be the only you when there 1,000,000 other copies of you. But i guess, God made us all original.... I don't know the answer to this... I guess Ill just be a bunch of different things.... although what if your not a hipster but you naturally have wavy hair, and like photography and you got a great 30 year old camera for cheap off a friend.... I don't wanna qualify, I'm just not in the know enough to be a hipster.... and I'm not an Irony type gal. anyways... I hope your not as ridiculous as I am and confuse the crap out of obvious things in life. ~Chao~

                VS

What is there to say ?

what are you supposed to say to someone who just lost their mom.  My aunt died and I have to go to the viewing obviously, but what am I supposed to say to someone who just lost their mom. I love my cousins, But I don't see them as much anymore. I'm just in so much shock, I can't believe she's gone.... She had an aneurism, it was so sudden. I just hope my uncle and cousins are ok. Otherwise I don't know what to say. 

Open hearts, and Mr Sub

Ok, so the last two days have been interesting. Back story: my friend whom iv known since kindergarten started dating a girl whom I Butt heads with often.... and then after they started dating it got worse, cause I seem to have an issue with seeing my friends get bossed around... There must be something wrong with me, ya know cause that's crazy ( sarcasm) Well anyways, they have now been dating for a few years, and Me  and her get along alot better now, But I mean it had to happen at some point. The truth was, Being friends with him so long i guess I started having feeling for him so it was hard for me to see him with anyone let alone her. But now I realize I was being immature, and I'm over it, and him. But yesterday, I got a call and it was her asking if she could crash at my place for the night.... so I said sure... she came over and we laughed alot, But I mean she talked about their relationship, and even If im not interested in him as I was... It almost kind of sad to hear. But I'm glad he is happy with her. We even stayed up all night planning out an entire camping trip, and it sounded awesome till this after noon when It fell through cause of  my friend, her boyfriend telling us it was an aweful idea and terribly planned out.... oh well. But one thing last night that was interesting to me was that she was asking me about my guy issues.... well sadly enough I have none. But 2 years ago, a friend of mine had a thing for me and at the time I was just getting out of a bad relationship and didn't think twice about him... She asked me if I would ever give him a chance, course I said the ship has sailed, but It got me thinking.  He's a great guy, and he's grown up alot.  But he isn't what I found interesting it was that for the last 2 years I have pretty much ignored any guy I came in contact with cause I was in such a bad place for any kind of relationship. But when we talked about it, I felt like it might not be a bad time to allow someone into my life. The last 5 years had just been so bad that I didn't really want to worry about anyone else, which may be selfish but I mean it's human nature. Well it was kind of ironic because tonight me and my mom went to visit someone and we hadn't had dinner so we stopped at a strip of small eateries, and I went to get a sub well she got pizza and the guy who made my sub was adorable, very nice, and hilarious.  Course I looked like crap with a bun head, my gym class sweater and a pair of running shorts. But It was nice to just look at a guy and not be cautious when I laugh at his joke, so I don't lead him on... I hate being the cautious one in every scenario but I'v always been that way.  By the way I know that I probably sound like a boy crazed geek, but I'm just not closed off to the idea anymore... and by the way the sub took a long time to make so we were able to talk... and i was the only one in there so it wasn't like he said hi, and I fainted, and dreamed of us getting married. I just thought he was cute and was glad I wasn't being so uptight. anyways now that I've rambled on for a while, I'm gonna go to bed ~chao~
 

~Feel Good, and Look Good!~

Sedona today.. awhh, it was so nice, There are so many great accesory places, And I love Accesories. Don't get me wrong, I am not by anyones standards a great fashion icon, but I do love to mess around with it. I don't like to waste money on it though. I'm not going to go out and buy a stupidly expensive pandora bracelet. Idk maybe that's just me... My favorite Red carpet celeb would have to be Blake Lively, because she accessorizes herself, and I think that's awesome, because that shows alot about her, since she always goes go looking emaculate. It's kind of funny because when I was younger I was a tom boy,
I wore soccer shirts, soccer shorts, always had my hair in a pony tail... and I hated the idea of being girly. And now I am all into my look. Not because im overly superficial, cause I work at not being that way, But I like to Present myself well. And if you can have fun well doing that, I mean Go for it! There's nothing wrong with looking good, and using make-up and taking pride in your appearence, But for the right reason, do it for yourself, Don't do it if it makes you feel uncomfortable, cause there is nothing worse then trying to look good but feeling gross about yourself, cause it will always show through. Anyways, that's what I get for watching fashion police as I'm blogging.