No title for me being rediculous

It has been said to me "Be exactly who you want to be, and be who you are at the same time" Those two very rarely go hand in hand. Who I want to be is a minute by minute thing. There are definitely a few basics such as your life long choice to be kind, caring, respectful, etc. But I mean even those can change. There are so many images that go around like, the really beautiful hipster girl with beautiful beach waves and an old style camera at hand 24/7. Or the bad ass brunette who wears the leather jacket, the black leggings and the knee high black boots, who looks like shes had a black belt since birth. And in between there are so many looks in between. But there's a name for every look. So clearly there's no chance of being fully yourself, because having a certain look is like having a certain species, and yet you can still change it... But still to some other look that's unoriginal. I don't know, how do you be yourself, how do you be the only you when there 1,000,000 other copies of you. But i guess, God made us all original.... I don't know the answer to this... I guess Ill just be a bunch of different things.... although what if your not a hipster but you naturally have wavy hair, and like photography and you got a great 30 year old camera for cheap off a friend.... I don't wanna qualify, I'm just not in the know enough to be a hipster.... and I'm not an Irony type gal. anyways... I hope your not as ridiculous as I am and confuse the crap out of obvious things in life. ~Chao~

                VS

What is there to say ?

what are you supposed to say to someone who just lost their mom.  My aunt died and I have to go to the viewing obviously, but what am I supposed to say to someone who just lost their mom. I love my cousins, But I don't see them as much anymore. I'm just in so much shock, I can't believe she's gone.... She had an aneurism, it was so sudden. I just hope my uncle and cousins are ok. Otherwise I don't know what to say. 

Open hearts, and Mr Sub

Ok, so the last two days have been interesting. Back story: my friend whom iv known since kindergarten started dating a girl whom I Butt heads with often.... and then after they started dating it got worse, cause I seem to have an issue with seeing my friends get bossed around... There must be something wrong with me, ya know cause that's crazy ( sarcasm) Well anyways, they have now been dating for a few years, and Me  and her get along alot better now, But I mean it had to happen at some point. The truth was, Being friends with him so long i guess I started having feeling for him so it was hard for me to see him with anyone let alone her. But now I realize I was being immature, and I'm over it, and him. But yesterday, I got a call and it was her asking if she could crash at my place for the night.... so I said sure... she came over and we laughed alot, But I mean she talked about their relationship, and even If im not interested in him as I was... It almost kind of sad to hear. But I'm glad he is happy with her. We even stayed up all night planning out an entire camping trip, and it sounded awesome till this after noon when It fell through cause of  my friend, her boyfriend telling us it was an aweful idea and terribly planned out.... oh well. But one thing last night that was interesting to me was that she was asking me about my guy issues.... well sadly enough I have none. But 2 years ago, a friend of mine had a thing for me and at the time I was just getting out of a bad relationship and didn't think twice about him... She asked me if I would ever give him a chance, course I said the ship has sailed, but It got me thinking.  He's a great guy, and he's grown up alot.  But he isn't what I found interesting it was that for the last 2 years I have pretty much ignored any guy I came in contact with cause I was in such a bad place for any kind of relationship. But when we talked about it, I felt like it might not be a bad time to allow someone into my life. The last 5 years had just been so bad that I didn't really want to worry about anyone else, which may be selfish but I mean it's human nature. Well it was kind of ironic because tonight me and my mom went to visit someone and we hadn't had dinner so we stopped at a strip of small eateries, and I went to get a sub well she got pizza and the guy who made my sub was adorable, very nice, and hilarious.  Course I looked like crap with a bun head, my gym class sweater and a pair of running shorts. But It was nice to just look at a guy and not be cautious when I laugh at his joke, so I don't lead him on... I hate being the cautious one in every scenario but I'v always been that way.  By the way I know that I probably sound like a boy crazed geek, but I'm just not closed off to the idea anymore... and by the way the sub took a long time to make so we were able to talk... and i was the only one in there so it wasn't like he said hi, and I fainted, and dreamed of us getting married. I just thought he was cute and was glad I wasn't being so uptight. anyways now that I've rambled on for a while, I'm gonna go to bed ~chao~
 

~Feel Good, and Look Good!~

Sedona today.. awhh, it was so nice, There are so many great accesory places, And I love Accesories. Don't get me wrong, I am not by anyones standards a great fashion icon, but I do love to mess around with it. I don't like to waste money on it though. I'm not going to go out and buy a stupidly expensive pandora bracelet. Idk maybe that's just me... My favorite Red carpet celeb would have to be Blake Lively, because she accessorizes herself, and I think that's awesome, because that shows alot about her, since she always goes go looking emaculate. It's kind of funny because when I was younger I was a tom boy,
I wore soccer shirts, soccer shorts, always had my hair in a pony tail... and I hated the idea of being girly. And now I am all into my look. Not because im overly superficial, cause I work at not being that way, But I like to Present myself well. And if you can have fun well doing that, I mean Go for it! There's nothing wrong with looking good, and using make-up and taking pride in your appearence, But for the right reason, do it for yourself, Don't do it if it makes you feel uncomfortable, cause there is nothing worse then trying to look good but feeling gross about yourself, cause it will always show through. Anyways, that's what I get for watching fashion police as I'm blogging.

July 5th ~Bugs the size of smart cars, and my future~

Ok, Maybe this is over dramatic, but some of the bugs here are the size of smart cars. I'm not a huge fan of bugs. There a living creature and I get it, but come on, what are the point of mosquitos.... like really? Any ways, Im pretty happy, I got to sleep in and when my dad gets back were gonna go to the shooting range.... I really like going to the shooting range, I'm a good shot so me and my dad get to compare and it's fun. My mom has a killer shot too which is funny cause if you knew my mom you would know that its very uncalled for. One time I went there is it was really funny because there was a guy alittle older then me there and I had a way better shot then him so I mean what is more imasculating then realizing a girl who is 5" nothing could protect herself better then he could.... well armed atleast ha. It's not as fun here though cause a friend of mine was supposed to come with me but I mean oh well, it has just been really boring, but what can you do. Yesturday wasn't boring though, we went to the Prescott Rodeo and it was awesome, nothing better then a bunch of guys getting thrown off bulls. Being in Arizona has really made me want to get back into horse back riding. I rode western when I was younger but I stopped and now I feel like I would benefit from getting back into it. I may just drag a friend out to the local riding ranch just to kind of get used to being on the back of a horse again. We could take one of the trails and get the hang of it again. It's like riding a bike, But a bike that can get scared and angry. Well anyways, I think I'm getting back into things now because I only have 1 year of highschool left, and its kind of scary. I'm really excited for university but before I go to Univsersity I am spending a year in England, so it's alot to get ready for. I just feel as if I have no time and a tonne that I wanna do well I still live at home. But I'm sure I'm not the only person who has every went through that feeling so I'm not worried about the future. As long as I have good friends, and good family,and my faith. I'll be alright! Mom's watching 'Swamp People' sorry but I love that show, so it trumps blogging.

July 3rd 2012 ~Disorganized Thought Process~

My oh my, what a day.  We did absolutely nothing except go shopping at wierd stores that had the coolest things like little hat boxes that were so cute.  Other then that, I am alittle worked up, I just found out that It may be hard for me to have children when i am ready to start a family. Which is really upsetting to me, since I am kind of strange in the way that I have always acted like a mom. I have a niece and me and my mom  pretty much raised her for her first year and I knew that I deffinitly want to be a mother one day. So this thought devistates me. But I trust one day that it will all work out somehow. It's funny even when you don't know things for a fact they can really eat at you. So I'm really trying to just be positive and hope that it won't actually end up being true. On another note, I am curious to know, when and how do you know when you are truely ungrateful? I have met so many people who are so ungrateful and yet they have no idea. I remember when a friend of mine yelled and screamed at her parents at sunday brunch after church because they wanted her to stay home and do her project. They give her everything she wants and although that is probably the cause, I mean where is the respect. She even disrespected my youth pastor and I sometimes just wanna tell her what I think but who am I to judge so I just don't get involved. But I truely wish that when you get that ungrateful that there would be like an electro shock that went off everytime you took it too far. I have a feeling it would be funny to watch. If there is one thing you should never do when you become tight with youth group kids, it is disrespect our pastor. He is the most amazing person, He is so wise when it comes to the word of the lord, and yet he's like a big kid. We all know him really well and for someone to be so rude to him, is just not ok, I don't care what the reason. the core kids of my youth group for highschoolers, is really tight. some of us grew up together. People date inside the group, which causes drama, I mean were teens what do you expect. I love them all though and there my closest friends because they have the most important thing in common with me and thats my faith. Even if some of them drive me absolutely crazy. I think it's kind of funny because they make these tv shows about kids in highschool, but the core kids of youth groups should really have their own show... were like a whole different kind of friend group and thats most youth groups. When I get home, I am working as a youth leader for The Summer Rocks Program, which is going to be really fun, cause I have been a youth leader for 3 years and I love the kids.  Their from 6th-8th grade, and their hilarious. It has to be the most awkward years of your life. But I can't wait to get back and spend time with all of them. Wow, I have very disorganized thoughts, But oh well ha. I'm off to dinner ~Chao~

July 2nd 2012 ~Pilot~

So, I'm a terrible journal keeper but im going to try and use this as one, cause its easy, and I write super messy so this way I can actually read what I write.  Growing... well sort of, is the name because I am only 5" and yet I am at a strange stage in life where I'm growing up really quick.  Im in my late years of highschool and it can be interesting... so I thought Id document, even if I'm the only one out here who will actually read this.  I'm not gonna talk about anorexia, or cutting my self, cause im not... and I don't haha.  I don't believe a smile can hide anything, and if you don't find me interesting... well who asked you anyways? I am a christian teen who struggles tremendously, and frequently embaraces herself. I travel lots so its a nice getaway from the predominintly white town i I live in, in ON, Canada, right now I'm in Arizona, its nice, but the only culture here is guns, elderly people with really dark tans, and lots of ceramic suns at flea markets. I like it here though, my parent are not as young as parents of my friends, so they thought it would be a good idea to buy a vacation home to stay in half the time when there retired. So here I am, inside well its a blazing 105 degrees outside. I got creative today and made banana pancakes, and yet breakfast didn't go over well, as I tried to convince my parents that my sister is a psychopath. Oh well, at least I know the truth. Anyways, I Have a good life, great friends, good rolemodels, and alot of laughs.  ~chao~ P.S. I am fully aware that My grammar and spelling are awful... ~Chao again~